Nobody likes a nag! I have to apologize. I saw the look on your face that told me I had gone too far. And it wasn’t the first time.
Can I tell you what’s going on inside me? Maybe you can empathize with this role called Motherhood?!
It’s almost like a cruel joke.
Okay! Let’s go back to your birth… Don’t roll your eyes – you’ll see why!
You were born. Oh my, what an amazing baby! You were so sweet, adorable and we were head over heels in love!!! Dad and I just wanted to hold you all the time. I remember we’d get in spats: “It’s my turn to hold him.” “No, it’s my turn!” And that never got old. We both loved being with you, being your parents, watching you grow, being a part of every step. It is an amazing blessing the Lord gives us to be parents!!
I usually gave in and let Dad hold you; because I had the privilege of staying home with you. So I had more time with you. And staying home was so much fun as you grew, and learned the amazingly cute things like laughing, clapping, baby words, baby steps, etc. The joy is immense!
As you grew, your strengths and weaknesses would show – like they do in all of us.
I remember when you were learning to walk, the room was full of people and we were cheering you on. You would fall (which would normally make you cry) but because there were so many people cheering you… you simply popped back up, tried again and did it! Applause brought a giant smile on your face.
You loved people’s approval. To the point that you set aside what was your typical reaction. Of course, that character trait can be strength- as you work hard and press through difficult situations OR a weakness- as you yield to please someone you shouldn’t.
That’s just one example of how we saw little glimpses into your personality. When I saw them, I packed them away in my treasure chest of clues of what you might become. There were lots over the years. It was fun – like doing a puzzle and seeing what the picture might become.
You have grown up so nicely. There is so much goodness in you. Through and through. I know your heart. Now that you’re not a kid anymore I look at you differently. I look at you and I see an adult. I see you in all your potential. Overcoming (whatever comes against you and your plans), leading (those around you in the right direction), thriving (balancing work and pleasure), successful (in work, school, and healthy relationships), and joyful (with an inner joy- knowing you are doing what you were created to do).
Can you read that last paragraph again? Because as strange as it sounds, that is how I see you.
It’s the power behind my nagging! See? I have so much faith in you and your potential-
And I believe in you so much-
That I want to urge you on!
I have this crazy notion that I, somehow, can urge you to see the same greatness and potential and skip all the steps that help to build that greatness. And sometimes, if you would just listen to me I could save you so much pain/hardship – but oh well, I have to get it through my thick skull that you will learn your life lessons your way. And still become all that you can be!!
This is hard for you to understand – because we all love so conditionally- but this is the truth:
I will always see greatness in you. No matter how many mistakes you make. I will always believe in you and be cheering and diligently praying for you.
I pray for you often and I pray for you specifically – so that you will not let anything hinder you.
I am sorry that my concern and urging comes off so negative and distasteful. Please forgive me. I am trying to let go and just cheer from the sidelines. Please pray for me. That’s the cruel part of motherhood – we are so in love and so attached and our final “act” is letting go. I’m trying. Please know my heart.
I love you immeasurably; there are not enough words in the English language to express the depth a mother feels! I am so excited to see all that you become as you continue to grow.
I believe in you!!
Your biggest fan,